An Uncapped Pen

April 22, 2012

Love Yourself – OK, I Hear You….Now What?

Filed under: About Me — cindylv @ 6:52 pm

Thank you, angels, for the message.  I have been hearing it over and over again for the last couple of weeks.  And I finally realized it is your message to me.

I find it easy to love others, give of myself to others, share my life with others.  But what does it mean to love myself?  If I am truly made in the image of God, inhabited by the Holy Spirit, then why would I not automatically love myself?  It is too easy to focus on the behaviors, thoughts, worries and other junk that I lug around in my head. Too easy to put myself down.  Too easy to dismiss, disassociate and disown any positive, loving thoughts.

Jesus says to “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”  As my friend Christine reminded me, this means that you must first love yourself before you are capable of loving another.  This concept of self-love is as foreign to me as long division….something other people seem to do easily, but I just can’t get the hang of it.

But like long division, there are many clues, tips and hints available to help me along the path:

Trust.

Listen.

Treat myself as if I were a precious gift.

Rest.

Breathe.

Smile.

Imagine God’s love flowing through me.

Cultivate a feeling of abundance.

Trust. (I know, I already said it.)

Stretch.

Allow others to help.

Ask for help.

Write.

Make friends with my angels.

Be grateful.

March 6, 2011

Nicknames

Filed under: Family,Uncategorized — cindylv @ 7:52 pm
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I was three when Robby was born.  I remember being devastated that he wasn’t a little sister.  When I found out his name was Robert Douglas, I took to my rocking chair with a vengeance.  “Ugly Dugly.  Ugly Dugly,” I repeated to myself until I fell asleep.  Robby and I have had a tumultous relationship over the years.  I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven him for not meeting my expectations.

The baby of our family, christened Thomas Wilson, was mom’s Angel Baby.  The four of us ‘non-angel babies’  resented his nickname.  We tried to convince him his name was “Mot.”  He looked like an angel with his blonde curls, blue eyes, impossibly long eyelashes  and an impressive array of freckles. 

Jimmy, the oldest of my brothers, I called “Bimbo.”  I think I originally called him “Jimbo”, but “Bimbo” sounded funnier.  He was diagnosed with lazy eye and had to wear an eye patch for about a year.   He developed allergies to all things green and had to swallow pills and endure weekly shots until he was in his teens.

Carrie never got a nickname.  She never even got a middle name.  Since she is 18 months older than I am, I don’t know anything about her first few years in our home, but I’m convinced that something made her angry and she’s held onto it ever since.  Come to think of it, it could have been me.

Growing up, I was daddy’s “Pretty Pet.  Now, one of my nephews calls me “Aunt Sweetpea.”  One calls me “Cio Cio ReeRee”.  To my nieces, I am “Auntie Cindy.”  For a few days when he was three, my step-grandson called me, “Grandmop.”  Now I’m Grandma Cindy.

August 3, 2010

Broken Stuff

Filed under: About Me — cindylv @ 7:45 pm
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I saw a brown paper lunch bag on the kitchen counter.  I didn’t pay much attention to it.  The next day it was still there.  And the next.  Saturday morning, I noticed it again.  I reached over to pick it up. 

It was heavy, and it tinkled.  It was full of broken pottery, ceramic and glass.  It was the remains of my collection of jars, vases, pots and knick knacks I kept on the shelf in the back bedroom.

“I wondered when you’d get around to asking about that,” my husband said.

Molly vs My Universe, Chapter 6.

Early this morning I got up to pee.  I didn’t bother to turn on the overhead light.  My foot found a little something on the floor.  Something sharp…and broken.   I reached down and pulled the little something from the bottom of my foot.  It was the head from my little gondolier figurine.  Somehow I can’t see him committing suicide by leaping from the bathroom shelf to die on the tile floor. 

Chapter 7

Oh yeah, we’re still looking for his body AND his gondola…out in the backyard with a shovel and a stick.  My husband refuses to call in the CSI crew.

May 24, 2010

Gratitude

Filed under: About Me — cindylv @ 5:08 am
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Today I am grateful for:

The smell of this afternoon’s rain (OK, it was just a sprinkle, but it smelled great!

A 59 degree day during the last week of May in Las Vegas.

My friends and family, and my e-friends I haven’t met yet.

Not losing my temper today (not even a little).

The Cubs won 5 to 4 over Texas.

The beautiful Christmas wine glasses Susan gave me (and the pinot grigio in one of them).

Molly is finally asleep. 

Puppy snores.

I have a job.

Bailey (and her brothers).

Books, books, books, books and more books.

Apricots from Susan’s tree and onions from Tom’s garden.

Candles.

Rudy (the movie).

The kids on my street (especially Sean).

My health.

My Tacoma.

My garden.

My garden bathtub, and bubble bath.

My new friends weren’t injured (or worse) in the attacks on Kandahar.

My slippers (well, the left one anyway.  The right one is slightly chewed.)

Vanilla yogurt (with no gelatin!).

Kleenex with lotion (bless me).

Honeysuckle and night-blooming jasmine.

Cheese.

Knitting.

The smell of baby powder.

Music.

Phil Jackson’s genius.

Toast.

Red toe-nail polish.

Night lights.

The blue room.

Naps.

Snooze buttons.

Shortbread cookies.

Sunshine.

Coffee.

and my baby tomatoes.

October 14, 2009

Six Weeks and Counting

Filed under: About Me,Health — cindylv @ 5:31 am
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Six weeks into this whole electronic monitoring deal, and I’m still getting used to the idea of remembering my “leash” or portable digital monitor. I confess it took me four weeks to re-read the booklet I received with the device. It’s amazing what a difference it makes to read such an important document without mind-altering drugs in my system!

I’ve pushed the green button on two occasions; I’ve set off a theft control device at the used record store; and had one significant “event” reported to the doctor’s office.

The first time I pressed the green button was when my husband called me from the next room. I got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen to see what he wanted. I made it to the stove and the world went gray. My legs folded beneath me and I wound up on the floor, unable to open my eyes without spiraling out of consciousness. I waited a a few minutes and recovered nicely.

The other time was when I was in Prescott, Arizona at the County Records office. I walked up to the counter and said, “Hello.” Then I got dizzy and grabbed the counter. I pressed the button and willed myself to keep upright while the clerk ran to get me a paper cup of water. I managed to stay upright and conscious.

The theft control device at Zia’s Used Record store must be more sensitive than the ones at Walmart or Albertson’s. I brought a box of used records to trade last month and set off the device as I entered the store. The clerk didn’t want to be bothered with looking at my fancy new ID card that describes my implanted medical device. Imagine that!

The significant cardiac event occured last night when I remembered to keep the portable monitor within arm’s reach, instead of across the room. I felt a little flutter as I was drifting off to sleep. I didn’t press the button because I didn’t want to wake up enough to reach for the device. At 8:01 this morning, my cardiologist’s office called. The doctor was notified of an “event” last night, and he needed to see me as soon as possible. It turns out that “as soon as possible” means next Tuesday at 9:45. So it must not be a serious event!

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