An Uncapped Pen

February 2, 2009

The Downside of 900+ Channels

Filed under: About Me — cindylv @ 10:44 pm

Why on earth does any human being need over 900 television channels?  We did the conversion to “bundled services” on Saturday (phone, cable modem and digital cable TV).  We anticipate saving almost $50 per month with the new package.  But Saturday night as I lay on the sofa burning up my thumb muscles, I questioned the value of my decision. Yes, we’ll be saving $600 per year, but at what cost?

  • ER visits to unstick my inflamed thumb  (plus prescriptions)
  • Decreased attention span (already at dangerously low levels)
  • Psychological stress caused by constantly checking to see if something better is on
  • Decreased willingness to sacrifice TV time for exercise (Sorry Bailey, maybe you could walk yourself?)
  • Decreased loyalty to favorite shows (by the time I’ve flipped thru 900+ channels, I forget what I’m watching)
  • Alienation of marital affections (potentially, not a problem yet)
  • Increased intolerance for all things Rap-related (Do we really need Rap Classics, New Rap – Uncensored, Rap Hits, Rap – 80s, Rap – 90s, and Hip Hop Hits?)
  • More commercials
  • More buttons on more remotes to confuse simple tasks
  • Porn….by some quirk of electronic signals, we are now receiving every Premium (and I use that adjective loosely) channel available.  After 9 seconds of viewing, I am more familiar with Marilyn Chambers’ underside than I am with my own.  And I think some of that stuff she did is illegal here in Clark County!
  • Indian TV, Filipino TV, Japanese TV, Chinese TV, and Hungarian TV are very confusing and difficult to watch.

I could go on and on and on, but I’m too sleepy.  I stayed up til the wee hours again this morning, verifying everything I learned during Saturday night’s clicking session.



  1. Who is Marilyn Chambers?
    I think I would like to know her. Is that part of the Premium package?

    Comment by usman — February 3, 2009 @ 1:25 pm | Reply

    • Marilyn? I think she’s banned in Pakistan, along with all alcohol!

      Comment by cindylv — February 3, 2009 @ 10:02 pm | Reply

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