An Uncapped Pen

May 6, 2008

Mother’s Day

Filed under: Family — cindylv @ 9:34 pm
Tags: , ,

Mary Eugenia Cairns, nee: Pedersen.  She died on 16 April 1995.  Easter Sunday.  “What a glorious day to die,” said Father Lawrence Jenko at her funeral.

We all knew something was wrong, my sister, my brothers and I.  We argued about it.  “You do something.”  “Make her go to the doctor.”  “She’s eating Advil like they’re M&Ms.”  We pretended not to notice.

The doctor told us she had five lesions in her brain. For about six weeks, from the time they told us until she died, we held our breath.  Near the end, my brothers brought her home from the hospital.  A hospice angel came out to the house to help.  Robby and Tommy stayed with her, literally in the bed with her, until the end.  She had colon cancer.

The funeral was held on a Wednesday.  It was the 18th.  While waiting for my sister to finish dressing, I turned on the television.  I stood and watched for a few minutes.  A building in Oklahoma City was on fire.  I couldn’t feel anything.  I was too busy pretending.  For the last thirteen years, I’ve been pretending she’s in Chicago with my brothers.

I’m a great pretender.  It’s my best thing, actually.

This past Sunday, I shopped for a Mother’s Day card for my lovely stepdaughter Samantha.   After looking at a hundred cards,  I felt a crack.

Happy Mother’s Day, Ma.



  1. I’m speechless. Hug.

    Comment by lisakenney — May 8, 2008 @ 5:05 am | Reply

  2. Thank you, Lisa.

    After 13 years, I can admit my feelings to myself and strangers, but I’m not able to tell my family.

    Thanks for listening. Thanks for being a good friend.

    Comment by cindylv — May 8, 2008 @ 5:43 am | Reply

  3. You can always tell me :) It’s been 34 years for me and I don’t know that I’ve ever really come to terms with it.

    Comment by Lisa Kenney — May 9, 2008 @ 3:37 am | Reply

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