An Uncapped Pen

July 23, 2012

Clearing Resistance With The Ascended Masters & Reiki

Filed under: Energy Work,Writing — cindylv @ 5:19 am
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I am transformed.

Resistance?  Ascended Masters?  Clearing?

I had no idea what to expect.  I just know I had an overwhelming urge to sign up for the class and pay my $35. With Amy Barilla  and Leeza Robertson as hosts, I knew I had nothing to fear. I brought my yoga mat, my bright red meditation cushion and my bottle of water, leaving my doubts and concerns at the curb.

As I arrived around 9:15, I was greeted with warm hugs by my hosts and several of the other participants.  “We’re huggers.” one of the ladies explained as she introduced herself and wrapped her arms around me.  (I’ve never been a “hugger”, but I am re-thinking that position.)  I picked my spot on the floor, unrolled my mat and settled on my cushion.  After a brief introduction and grounding meditation, Leeza asked us to lie down and get comfortable.

At this point, I get a little fuzzy on the details of who did what and when. With Angelic music in the background, Leeza guided us through a gentle awareness of our chakra centers, beginning at the root and working up to our crowns.  Both ladies walked around our circle providing healing energy, Reiki, and love. Leeza explained each chakra, what type of energy it provides and what issues may be associated with it.

Your root chakra is related to issues of security, safety, finances, feelings of worthiness.  She provided examples of problems or “junk” associated with your root, like scripts or messages you might have heard and incorporated into your own internal map.  “You’re not good with money.”  “I never have any money.”  “You don’t belong here.” Words or memories that might influence your feelings of financial security and safety.

As I lay on my mat drifting comfortably, listening to the music and Leeza’s hypnotic voice, I wondered idly what resistance I had and I was supposed to be doing to clear it.  Almost immediately, I felt my upper abdomen clench with nervous energy.  I visualized a gray mesh screen wrapped around my organs, squeezing the life juice out of them.  Leeza said, “Use your right hand to reach up, pull the energy out and fling it to the floor to release it.  Just get it out and let go.  If it moves around, keep chasing it.”  I placed my hand just under my rib cage and rubbed lightly, looking for the size of this energy and it’s boundaries.  I curled my fingers in and raked across my belly and flung “it” to the floor at my side. I felt a twinge in my lower right side and scooped it out.  My throat felt heavy, I rubbed, released and flung. My forehead twitched, back to my throat, my chest.  I kept scooping and flinging.

“Feel the healing love of the Blessed Mothers filling you with pink light, feel the warmth and safety of their embrace, their love surrounding you, filling your whole being with unconditional love. Take a deep breath in through your nose and push it out your mouth.”

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh…..The room filled with the sounds of releasing the last breath of resistance from our root chakras.  Good, she said.  That was wonderful.  The next chakra is your sacral, the waters of your emotions.  Passion, Creativity.  And we cleared, released, flung.  We floated, bathed in the pink light of the Blessed Mothers’ unconditional love.

Solar Plexus – Fire.  Heart Chakra – Love. Throat – Communication.  Screeching halt!  Memories of swallowing corned beef and choking on the strings.  It wouldn’t go down, it wouldn’t come up.  Mom yelling. Panic.  I don’t understand what’s wrong or how to fix it.  Afraid.  Can’t breathe.

Breathe, Leeza said.  I remember that I’m not five years old in the back seat of the car with meat in my throat.  I gasped around the lump in my throat….and released.

I remembered when I was about six years old, chewing a handful of gumballs all at once so I wouldn’t have to share with my brothers.  Sneaking. Chewing frantically so I wouldn’t get caught.  Starting to swallow the mess in my mouth and it getting stuck.  Me getting caught. Pulling it out, swallowing, choking, crying, gasping.

Breathe, Leeza said.  Release. Fling.  Letting go of the recurring nightmare.  Breathe.  Filling with pink, healing love.

At times, I heard sobs, sniffles, light moans, sighs, gasps, Leeza’s soothing voice and Amy’s tiny feet as she flitted around the room attending to each of us.  I felt crystals being placed on my solar plexus and gentle hands on my stomach, the top of my head, my feet.  I heard the singing of Leeza’s tuning fork near my left ear, filling me with healing vibration.

I felt an ache in the back of my head, tightness in my neck and shoulders.  I breathed, brushed and flung the energy to the floor. I felt the pink, healing love rush in and fill the empty places. I breathed.

Brow chakra – sight, trust, wisdom.

I noticed a heaviness around my head, like stagnant, humid air or hot breath.  I felt this cloud settling over my face and mouth.  Instinctively, I brushed it away.  Fresh, cool air seeped in and replaced the cloud. I breathed deeply and felt clean.

Crown chakra – divine love.  Visualize opening the top of my head. Releasing negative energy clogging around my head.  Allowing love and light to flow in through my crown chakra, filling me, energizing me, flowing out my root into the earth.  Energy from the earth flowing up through my root, filling me and out my crown.  Suspended in love.


Leeza brought us back to the room. It took me a few minutes to feel able to sit up.  I guzzled my water. I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but I knew I was different.

I drove home in a daze, realized I was ravenously hungry.  I took my husband out for brunch and cleaned my plate (I’m not a plate cleaner) – $38. Then I insisted we go to Kohl’s where I bought lots of new underwear….the pink, lacy, passionate kind….not the Walmart functional kind. Lots of underwear – $42.

Oh, and I bought some new walking shoes…because I released my resistance to exercising – $16 (on sale at Tuesday Morning).

Then I went home and slept for two blissful hours with my cat (Free!)

Oh….and it seems I have released my resistance to writing, too (Priceless!)

Total cost of this transformation:  $131.

Amy Barilla and Leeza Robertson.  Blessed Mothers. Thank you.  Thank you. Thank you.


Ascended Master:  A being who has raised his/her vibration to a sustained frequency of light.

Blessed Mothers:  This category is a little less well defined.  I interpret Blessed Mothers as Mary, the Mother of Jesus and all the mothers of all time in all dimensions inspired by Mary’s divine love.  Light beings who nurture and love us unconditionally.


April 22, 2012

Love Yourself – OK, I Hear You….Now What?

Filed under: About Me — cindylv @ 6:52 pm

Thank you, angels, for the message.  I have been hearing it over and over again for the last couple of weeks.  And I finally realized it is your message to me.

I find it easy to love others, give of myself to others, share my life with others.  But what does it mean to love myself?  If I am truly made in the image of God, inhabited by the Holy Spirit, then why would I not automatically love myself?  It is too easy to focus on the behaviors, thoughts, worries and other junk that I lug around in my head. Too easy to put myself down.  Too easy to dismiss, disassociate and disown any positive, loving thoughts.

Jesus says to “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”  As my friend Christine reminded me, this means that you must first love yourself before you are capable of loving another.  This concept of self-love is as foreign to me as long division….something other people seem to do easily, but I just can’t get the hang of it.

But like long division, there are many clues, tips and hints available to help me along the path:



Treat myself as if I were a precious gift.




Imagine God’s love flowing through me.

Cultivate a feeling of abundance.

Trust. (I know, I already said it.)


Allow others to help.

Ask for help.


Make friends with my angels.

Be grateful.

March 3, 2012


Filed under: Uncategorized — cindylv @ 7:58 pm

The word “march” brings back powerful memories of high school drill team and basic training. Almost 30 years later, the word “March” brings to mind the vicious winds that shred the blossoms on my fruit trees.

Springtime in Las Vegas….this is why I continue to live here. As I commit to another year in the desert, I renew my commitments to my garden, my house, myself… writing…my search for spirituality…my health…and my blog!

March 6, 2011


Filed under: Family,Uncategorized — cindylv @ 7:52 pm

I was three when Robby was born.  I remember being devastated that he wasn’t a little sister.  When I found out his name was Robert Douglas, I took to my rocking chair with a vengeance.  “Ugly Dugly.  Ugly Dugly,” I repeated to myself until I fell asleep.  Robby and I have had a tumultous relationship over the years.  I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven him for not meeting my expectations.

The baby of our family, christened Thomas Wilson, was mom’s Angel Baby.  The four of us ‘non-angel babies’  resented his nickname.  We tried to convince him his name was “Mot.”  He looked like an angel with his blonde curls, blue eyes, impossibly long eyelashes  and an impressive array of freckles. 

Jimmy, the oldest of my brothers, I called “Bimbo.”  I think I originally called him “Jimbo”, but “Bimbo” sounded funnier.  He was diagnosed with lazy eye and had to wear an eye patch for about a year.   He developed allergies to all things green and had to swallow pills and endure weekly shots until he was in his teens.

Carrie never got a nickname.  She never even got a middle name.  Since she is 18 months older than I am, I don’t know anything about her first few years in our home, but I’m convinced that something made her angry and she’s held onto it ever since.  Come to think of it, it could have been me.

Growing up, I was daddy’s “Pretty Pet.  Now, one of my nephews calls me “Aunt Sweetpea.”  One calls me “Cio Cio ReeRee”.  To my nieces, I am “Auntie Cindy.”  For a few days when he was three, my step-grandson called me, “Grandmop.”  Now I’m Grandma Cindy.

August 3, 2010

Broken Stuff

Filed under: About Me — cindylv @ 7:45 pm

I saw a brown paper lunch bag on the kitchen counter.  I didn’t pay much attention to it.  The next day it was still there.  And the next.  Saturday morning, I noticed it again.  I reached over to pick it up. 

It was heavy, and it tinkled.  It was full of broken pottery, ceramic and glass.  It was the remains of my collection of jars, vases, pots and knick knacks I kept on the shelf in the back bedroom.

“I wondered when you’d get around to asking about that,” my husband said.

Molly vs My Universe, Chapter 6.

Early this morning I got up to pee.  I didn’t bother to turn on the overhead light.  My foot found a little something on the floor.  Something sharp…and broken.   I reached down and pulled the little something from the bottom of my foot.  It was the head from my little gondolier figurine.  Somehow I can’t see him committing suicide by leaping from the bathroom shelf to die on the tile floor. 

Chapter 7

Oh yeah, we’re still looking for his body AND his gondola…out in the backyard with a shovel and a stick.  My husband refuses to call in the CSI crew.

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